Komingwina

hell heay, i still have hope,, that will light me out rather than think about the bad thing in the past. lets count what privileges that i still have to get money: 1. I still young 24 years old 2. I am a women 3. I live in Bali near Ubud 4. I have twin 5. I am tall and thin 6. I dont have acne 7. I understand english well i used to done my article at collage, and cd. after that get a job asap. 

Hey I'm in office, arrived at 7.40 am and become the first one in second floor. Not much to do in the morning so I write this blog. I wanna say that my life pretty much suck this year and I say it because i think "like that" while I can actually be more grateful said that "oh thanks god, I still a life". Today my dad ask me to see my step mom in her room because she is sick and always sick. I hope she can stand and be her self more rather than hanging on someone else. I don't wanna take care her. I don't wanna think about it because I don't wanna she hanging in my shoulder while I still hard to stand by my self. If u get what i mean. 

 I can't say anything just sorry for my parent. I am 24 years old right now and still can't afford a good life for me and them. I am sorry u both maybe regret adopted me as a child. I am sorry. Me being silly just focus on the bad thing about u and cant be calm not to write it here in my blog which everyone can read it. I am nasty for sure and everyone now knows that. I will not let a bad thing from outside provoke me or upset me. I still have control of my self I still have a choice even it's not much. But I will see them shine through the darkness. I am enough. The money will not enough. I will build a good habit that everyone will see that I can! Will see u five years from now. Don't forget to be good at what u belive and ur value. Don’t let others stop u

I used to shut my door While my mother screamed in the kitchen I'd turn the music up, get high and try not to listen to every little fight 'Cause neither one was right I swore I'd never be like them But I was just a kid back then The older I get the more that I see My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me 'Cause loving is hard, it don't always work You just try your best not to get hurt I used to be mad but now I know Sometimes it's better to let someone go It just hadn't hit me yet The older I get I used to wonder why, why they could never be happy I used to close my eyes and pray for a whole 'nother family Where everything was fine, one that felt like mine I swore I'd never be like them But I was just a kid back then The older I get the more that I see My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me And loving is hard, it don't always work You just try your best not to get hurt I used to be mad but now I know Sometimes it...

Hey a lot of stuff happen since the last time I am here, I actually in the middle of should prepare for work at 13.00 am at Sunsri but I think I still have a plenty of time to write here, so I am already graduated, but not official because i should done some task before 23 October 2020. My birthday will be on 30 days from now and i will turn 24 years old. I actually still have debt for my phone around Rp 2.479.000 and to my parent 2.100.000 and my step-parent Rp 1.200.000 so in total is about Rp 6.000.000 I hate I have debt and I should pay for it not hate it. But how? Sell something? I am afraid of  failure. And make it worse. I even not try as hard as i can to sell jewelry i am afraid that what i sell is too expensive. I am not confident. So after thinking about it the solution is TRY u can do a video that don't need a big modal. But here some budget that i wanna do but done your responsibility first before think of but one of that

can i buy a syomay today? i only have 215.000 until 7 October what should I do: pay my skripsi : 50k pay my make up for wisuda : 100k  so i only have 65 until next month, if i buy syomay today 5k then it will be 60k for 7 days and i have to spend 8k per day less or more. ok got it so lets buy syomay :)

well here I am don't know what should I do with my time, actually now I am at office and should working and don't feel bad when I am get salary but what should I do? all the urgent things is done already, and just a little stuff should I do like : 1. reply email and WA about plating and our strategy during pandemic 2. buy a baking soda 3. ask GHL and SIM about tools and searching where i can get it 4. clean all the smith table and cupboard 5. know how much pt. saka gravir 6. follow up gravir and make invoice  7. prepare for monthly report 

Well this is the thing that makes my energy low faster than before, my grandmother sick and now my mother also sick I don't wanna take care, sick people, because I even don't know how to take care my self properly, I always have a choice and I don't wanna be like them in the future. 

Well i already not speak to my mom and dad for about a week, and this morning they ask me why i am doing that? Well i am in emotion and forget to make sure that my oil in the frying pan was hot or not. So i dont prepare it what i am gonna say and actually forget why is the main reason. So i just answer  “I dont like u” “And i just dont wanna be like u” ”You both dirty” “You both dont know how to take care money” “You both dont have a proper job” Just that, but if they ask me again i will said “You both don’t care about education” “You both too loud that should ask twice even u hear the answer, dont undersatand that i am old and if i say no its mean no, do not force me” “Dont tell me, show me” “Mom dont know how to ride motor bike, even use phone” “U think know what is the best for me but you dont” And more

Hey, this is me again, I actually need to read something today but end up writing here, so here what I thoughts: why people need money? I mean all wanna sell something to get money and that's good but why are they suffering for it? What is urgent? I wanna know why people try so hard to get something like money? We can make money from other ways that not produce a thing, like a review food, write a book, trading, modeling, reseller, photography, ect oh hey i should clean my houses now, okay bye

Hey this idea just pop up on my mind that is I wear white everyday cool right? Why white? Because it a statement of simple and clean, I wanna make my self OCD kinda, will do samething everyday like : Take a bath at 7 am and 7 pm (19.00 WITA) Will exercisese at 5 am and 8 pm (20.00 WITA) Eat oatmeal every morning in a white bowl and same place, same spon, and clean after it but before eat i will make sure i do a chores

Why religion is important in my environment? Why we should belive in god? What happen when we dont? The society will not accept us as a human? Can i ignore it? I cant  Why? Because we live in society 

WELL BECAUSE I TALK ABOUT HATING MY PARENT NOW MY MONEY LOSES ABOUT IDR 150.000 BECAUSE SALAH TRANSFER DAMN IT

Let me tell you, I don't hate just as much as I said it you know it is just a little feeling not a big deal but if u keep it and make it even stronger u are in danger girl, dont let your self-focus in hate. Focus in how u can make IDR 550.000 from IDR 300.000 think girl think harder

I know u hate ur privilege, don't be mad. You can be rich and will not look like your poor step-parent. 

Why you hate your step-parents? Cause they adopted me Let say u cant pick ur parent just like they adopted you okay now is that make u better? No i still hate them Please described  I hate their habit and they dont care about them self they even dont clean their wardrobe. they are poor and make them self look even more poor Are u mad that they look poor? Why? Because I am a shame to show them to my friends  Are your friend's opinion really matters? No, but I hate to look at them and think that I will look like them in the future So don't be like them, help them then? What should I help they won't change their bad habit like I want to, at least they want it by themself You lack communication, don't you? Yes I don't like them their too loud, they ask twice, and stupid as fuck Why u said that? They cant use phone Is that make them stupid? No Why is u being such an ass hole? Because I don't wanna be like them Let me then ask, are u perfect and have the right to judg...

Well, today my mom told me to be more mature, I mean I am 24 years old now and still look like a junior high school student. Not just the look but my mom also complain about my habit that's not responsible with all the thing that will be my task in the future like Balinese women who need to prepare to offer shit. I hate the way my stepmom look and act so kind but she actually talk to much i also hate my self that the fact that i hate her, just now not forever, you know i don't have any right to say a bad thing behind them because i still live here and don't pay any rent to them, I just need to clean the facking house every day. I don't want to talk with them just like a renter and the consumer please cause i hate my self-being like them. I dont want too 

Yesterday I was attending my friend wedding Novi and she is the one that have a same birthday date with me when we are in senior high school, so I feel must come and say hello to everyone, first in my mind I contact my closes friend back then, she is Ryna and Gita which i don't contact very often after we just keep doing out thing at collage, so i go to Instagram and dm both of them Gita whos the first one reply mean i more into her rather than ryna, so I ask her will she come there? And she said yes, I am so glad that she replies so ask her if I can join her and she said yes so I come and prepare my self before seven pm and get lost to find our meet point in Gianyar so I when directly to her house, she seemed still very humble as I remember and I love her mother which is so pretty in my opinion. I also remember her sister wich already a teenager now. So after say hello we go therewith her car that I glad for so we don't use a motorcycle. I meet Gita Kanela Aris and Wirpat we a...

Hai what u really love? My self Are u sure? Hmm maybe not cause sometimes i don't take care my self as much as i should Why u say something like that? Because i don't shower twice a day at 7 am and 6 am, i don't work out every morning at 5 am Then why u don't do that? I want but every morning always wake up late and i am too sleepy. and for take a bath I always procrastination How u can fix that? Thinking about shame and regret that will come in the future of my life maybe that will make me afraid? You still questioning it so that's not strong enough what else make u move and do something  Well somtimes i just do it Why dont u just do it then now? Ok well will ask my causin today to go bike will inform you again later thankyou  

Today Monday 31 Agustus 2020 the last day of this month I go to campus to fix the final project I will graduate this September and I still don't pay the debt 1.950.000 yet. Actually, my mom just give me about 1.000.000 already but i spend it all so i dont have money now. Damn it what should i do to get money? I wish i can find out. The title does not match but i dont care

hello my friend, i just wanna say that i hate the way my body look like, i hate the habit i am sit. like u know like a grand mother. i hate my posture that is why i need muscle. i need butt like to have it i need eat a lot of Chicken breast get the protein from it

hey want and need is different i know but i wanna muscle but don't wanna hurt my self, you know how it feel when u feel hurt after do some sport but the pain actually bring the muscle up, like a medicine  every pain is a one step to success. I am a smart girl and have a lot of gremmer and this is the way i wanna just u know level up my self more, i wanna bulid my muscle. 

 1. i cant go with out use wardah bb cream to protect my skin from ultraviolet damage after of course i do my skin care from lalimar aestectic i also use nivea lotion  2. after talk about skin care, since i use brace i have to clean my tooth after eat so i borrow little paste and tooth brush everywhere 3. after my twin give me this band watch i cant leave the house with out wearing it its real me band watch 4 4. i hate stink smile, so i buy this cheap cologne like this 5. i work at silver shop so i cant live with out this stud earring, bracelet, ring (but i lost it somewhere gonna have this that ring) and my mom give me necklace gold that i always ware. 6. glasses i dont have any problem with my eyes just alergic with dust hmm not even allergic just to keep my eyes avoid dust 7. i like my lips moist so i use lip balm i cant life without phone, my wallet, and water but i think its too general

well let me tell u today i also late. i arrived at office at 8.11 am and this is the eighteen time i'm late. yesterday i arrived at 8.23 am what a shame. I wake up today at 5.53 am prepare my uniform for today, clean my garden and take a bath at 7.30 i take a bath about 13 minutes and done make up about 10 minuet well i always ready to go around 7.53 and i know on my way to office is bout 15 minutes. well just image  if i take a bath at 7.00 done at 7.13 am make up done at 7.23 and arrived at office at 7.33 i will be too early. and maybe i cant clean my garden before i go. let make  table then. old habit :                                   new habit : wake up 5.53                              - wake up 5.00 clean garden 6.30                 ...

well after i complain about my condition, i feel bad but relief. i feel like i am so bad person who don't want wake up from the dark playground and action, because i'm human who have rational mind  i have to do somthing, i am not a monkey. what i gonna do : 1. i will make podcast in english 2. i will write my goals more 3. i will wake up morning and do sport every 5.00 4. take a bath 7.00 and go to office never late t least 7.30 i must go, because from my home to office take 30 minutes. 5. clean my house everyday 6. help my mom and don't share hate 7. be more greatful 8. finish my meal and wash the plate 9. wash my self and my clothes everday 10. all of that simple but u also easy to underestimate something, push your self win

why i feel that way? maybe because of my condition right now, let me explain it to you, today 17 Agustus 2020 i still live with my parent and i am 24 years old this november. I feel in this age i should live by my own life and not depending with my parent. my father is a cleaning service in health care near house but also a chef that have his own little shop at home we offer fried rice and some simple food for the price is about IDR10k-20k . my mother just a house wife who help my father at our little shop. So base on my privilege i am should increase it from very the bottom. my house roof leaked i have grandmother who is sick and my father everyday take care of her food and shit. i only life with four member in the big broke house.  Since COVID i don't have enough money to pay my phone debt. pay my graduation bill, my phone press, my petrol, or even pay 5000 to buy a food i also cant save my money to fix my broke brace or my dream next moth to go to Depok visit my twin. if i have ...

1. First Denim jacket its chick and easy to compare with other outfit, remember to were it with contras shirt if u have light denim jacket prefer to use black or more dark shirt. if the denim more dark wear light or white shirt inside. 2. Shoes so, I love when someone ware black boots like this, or pure white shoes or convers, i also like adidas. or nike  4. Sort denim pants, denim blue thick kind a type with long high waist, with little ripped, and white or black pants that comfortable, off shoulder also good.  5. For the last is the top i like something simple, like white shirt, stripe black and white, tan top gray, white, black, soft color green or red pink, nude color, dark blue, maroon, high heel also great.  6. Last but not least. is jewelry or accessories,